Picture this: You are about to step into a big moment. Maybe it is a job interview, a presentation, or a penalty kick in a championship game. Your brain says, “Don’t mess this up.” Seems harmless, right? Wrong.
Your mindset shapes your external world because it is manifesting from your internal world. This is something I once heard Lewis Howes say, and it has stuck with me ever since. The words you repeat to yourself are not just background noise. They are the script you are handing your mind to follow. Like Lisa Nichols says, “Your life is a physical manifestation of the conversations going on in your head.”
I have fallen into this trap plenty of times. I remember preparing for one of my first job interviews and the loudest thought in my head was, “Just don’t mess it up.” I thought it was an innocent little reminder, but in reality, I was already rehearsing the exact outcome I did not want.
Why Self-Talk Matters
Self-talk is the constant internal commentary that we all have on a daily basis. It is directly linked to performance, confidence, and focus. That is why it is so important to understand its magnitude.
Negative phrases like “Don’t mess this up,” “Maybe I am not good enough,” or “Have I really prepared enough for this?” prime your mind to focus on mistakes and threats. This makes it harder to perform to the best of your ability. On the other hand, positive and intentional self-talk can sharpen your focus and improve your decision-making, even under pressure.
To put it simply, how you talk to yourself changes what you are capable of in the moment.
The 3 Types of Self-Talk You Need to Master
There are three main types of self-talk that can enhance your performance.
1. Motivational Self-Talk
This type of self-talk helps build confidence and can boost energy and focus by shifting your mindset from doubt to possibility.
Examples:
- “You are ready for this.”
- “You are going to crush this.”
- “You have done all of the necessary preparation.”
2. Instructional Self-Talk
Instructional self-talk uses process-focused statements to guide your attention and keep you anchored in what you need to do, rather than worrying about the outcome.
Examples:
- “Make eye contact.”
- “Remember to breathe.”
- “Look at the net, then back down at the ball.”
3. Reframing Self-Talk
Reframing helps you turn losses into learnings. This shift keeps you focused on opportunity after a setback, rather than spiraling into negativity.
Examples:
- “I will take what I have learned and apply it in the next one.”
- “Feedback, not failure.”
- “Nerves mean I care.”
How to Improve Your Self-Talk
There are three crucial steps to upgrading your self-talk.
Step 1: Catch It
If you want to change something, you must first be aware of it. Simply acknowledging when your self-talk is unhelpful is the first step toward improvement.
Step 2: Challenge It
One trick I learned from Brené Brown is to ask, “Is this how I would talk to someone I love?” If not, then why would I say it to myself? I have applied this principle countless times, and it has helped me immensely.
Step 3: Change It
Replace destructive sentences with constructive ones. Instead of “Am I really ready for this?” say, “I have done the work to prepare for this.” Keep a short list of mantras you can turn to when negative thoughts creep in, especially in high-pressure situations. One of my favourites is “Next action.”
My Go-To Self-Talk Triggers
Self-talk is something I have had to make a conscious effort to improve. I often found myself going down a rabbit hole of negative thoughts, and I realized this was hurting my performance. Not just in soccer, but as a high performer in general.
I have a few phrases I return to when I need a reset. One is “What’s next?” To me, it is a reminder that there is always a next action. No matter how bad the last one was, what matters most is how you respond.
Another is “You have done harder things than this.” This one goes back to my time as a student-athlete at the University of Florida. We went through some brutal workouts, especially when the football stadium bleachers were involved. These sessions tested me in every way. I also think back to living in a different country from my entire support system for four years, and how I navigated that. Remembering those challenges reminds me that I have faced and overcome incredibly difficult things before, and I can do it again.
These are just a few that work for me, but the most important thing is to find what lights that fire within you.
Closing Thoughts
Self-talk is a skill, not a personality trait. You can train it and improve it as long as you put in the work.
I encourage you to choose one phrase that resonates with you and start using it today. Keep practicing until it becomes your default, because when you change the way you talk to yourself, you change the way you show up in every part of your life.